Shop at your own risk....

Attention Walmart Shoppers....

I had an appointment with the surgeon today.  Apparently my Carpal... has tunneled.  I have not been able to work this week because I can't lift anything.  Since my job requires lifting....I get a vacation.  A no expenses paid vaca.  Wow... I was going somewhere with that.....oh, since I am never home during a normal business week, I thought it would be nice to leave the surgeon and hop on over to Wally World for some groceries.

If you know me...you know that I LOVE Walmart.  I think it is the Purchase Palace.  If Walmart ain't got it....I don't need it.  I understand that there are many of you out there who are diehard Target fans and I like Target too, but their "big girl" clothing makes me feel bad about myself.  I have to go up in sizes because their clothes run small.  Also, you cannot get near the amount of free entertainment that you can get in Walmart.  Let me explain....

At Walmart I carefully chose my buggy, so not to get a bad roller.  Nothing worse than getting a "knocker" buggy.  You know,  roll, knock, knock, roll, knock, knoc......You get this idea.  Anyway, I chose and carefully wiped the handle down with a disinfecting wipe and began my journey. 

I passed my favorite cashier, we nod (I am on first name basis with most employees).  I made my way to the shampoo isle where I encounter a pleasant looking lady who was also shopping for shampoo.  We nod  (I don't know her).  I have to wait for her to move her so I can get by,...no biggie...I wait.   This will not dampen my spirits.  On to the next item....there she is again.  Smile, nod from recognition, continue on.  What the freak, she is casing me?  Every isle, every section....there she is.  She doesn't even have a buggy.  What does she want?!!  She cannot possibly need all of the same things I do.  Does she have my shopping list?  I will find a place to hide.  She is making me unconfortable.  She is making me second guess my trip to Walmart......NOBODY makes me second guess a trip to Walmart!!!!!!!!  I will lose her in the fat girl panties....she doesn't need them.

In my haste to hide from the Non-buggy stalker, I run into a lady with 2 littles boys who are screaming to the tops of their lungs.  She is frantic with that "would someone please kidnap my children" look in her eyes.  She comments to them that other little boys are not misbehaving.  She promises treats and ......all of a sudden an older lady (having a bad hair day) in one of those motorized buggies, takes the corner on two wheels and start yelling at these little boys.  Grandma perhaps?  She obviously had done this before because both boys sat their little butts down and got a sweet smile on their face.  Tawanda!!!!!!

I take Granny Speedracer as my cue to get out of the store.  I pick up my pace.  I am feeling anxious about Non-Buggy Stalker finding me.   I choose what I think is the cashier that will be the fastest.  I do not recognize her...maybe she is new.  She is ringing up things at a healthy speed.  I feeling good about getting on my way home, when she starts telling me that she is Special Needs.  Really folks.  She told me that she was a slow learner.  STOP....I work with Special Needs children....I ADORE them.  They are the best part of my day.  Understand the humor in this.  Why would you tell a complete stranger that you are a slow learner?  And then she tells me that she made all A's.  And....her mother would check her out of school every day because she would call home and say she had a headache.....speaking of......

I pay. I leave. The sweet little Walmart greeter stands motionless on her spongy pad (to help with standing all day back pain) and smiles.  "Have a nice day mam."   "You too...stay warm."    What I really want to say is, "watch out for the lady in the go-cart!"

Home.....ahhh.