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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

It happened....no lie!

I haven't posted in a while because I am lazy.  In the last month, I have been back and forth from doctor to doctor.  I have paid millions in co-pays, gas and meds.  I can say without hesitation that I work solely for insurance.  Thank God for it.  I certainly don't work for the money.  Walmart greeters make more than me.  Prisoners make more.  Anyway, I cannot stand to go to the doctor.  I fear doctors and nurses.  Not because of needles and stuff.  A needle does not scare me...(unless it is in my mouth).  I fear their office in general.  I will explain.

Two years ago, I was having some problems with my hand (hence, carpal tunnel surgery).  I was sent to a new doctor to get his opinion.  I made the appointment and the plans to out run a rocket to get there by 3:30.  I arrived....checked in....filled out papers....filled out insurance info even though they were going to scan it anyway....went to bathroom and settled in. 

4:00 pm.  No worries.  I can read so more.  Confession...I watch people.  Even when I pretend to be reading.  I am watching.

4:30 pm. I am watching alright.  Watching people go in and out of the door.  Hey, what about me?  I have been here longer than those people.   I step up to desk.  "I am sorry Mrs. Wells...Dr. Whatever is a little behind."   No worries.  I can read a couple of articles.

5:00 pm.  Worried.  Mrs. Wells is getting very worried.  I give unfriendly receptionist the "how much longer do I have to wait?" look.  She makes eye contact and goes back to her job. 

You would think that I would have seen the red flags.  Not.  I am just happy to be here.

5:15 pm  Finally!!  They call me back.  (No I do not want to step on the scale...look at me...write something down and be kind).  "My blood pressure is high?"..REALLY?!  "Dr. Freakin Running Behind will be right with you."

5:45 pm  I am listening to the doctor talk to other patients.  They should really rethink these walls.  I really didn't need to know that Mr. Other Patient is having trouble wiping.

6:00 pm  Quiet...except for my own shallow breathing and heatbeat.  Hello?  Do I dare move?  Where is Dr. I Will Kick Your Ass when you get in here?  No phones....no chatting...no movi.......Goodnight?

Mrs. Wells coughs as loud as she can.  Moments later....Dr. I  Was Already In My Car When The Nurse Tells Me I Forgot A Patient comes in.  No flippin lie...they had locked up.

The red flag is flying so high.   I guess I should be happy that the nurse heard me "pretend" cough.  Would I have been found dead at the back door the next morning?  Would my nails be worked down to the bloody nub?  Can you see the headlines.

Dr. I Have Been Doing This Way Too Long....tells me I have some swelling and tenderness...

He has no idea. 

I haven't scheduled an appt. past noon since.  Someone else can be the last patient.