1. They always taste play-doh.
2. They will pick their nose and ...taste that.
3. Someone will spill their milk...daily.
4. Someone will rip the pages in your new, most expensive classroom book.
5. They can and WILL repeat verbatim the argument that Mommy and Daddy has last night.
6. They will fight to the death if someone else sits on "their" carpet spot during circle time.
7. Little boys pee on and around the toilet seat. If there is a floor drain...they will pee in that too.
8. Someone will crawl under the bathroom stall...on a daily basis.
9. They always add "cha cha cha" to the birthday song.
10. They will eat a little bit of crayon.
11. Someone will hide or lose a piece of EVERY puzzle in the room.
12. They will eat food off of the floor...any floor.
13. They will poot out loud and disrupt the whole class.
14. During the first week of school, one of them will fall asleep on the bus, miss their stop, and Mommy will call the school sobbing because we have lost their baby.
15. Being line leader is a mega huge deal.
16. Someone will need a bandaid for a "boo boo" so small that is cannot be seen with the naked eye.
17. They almost never make it to the garbage to throw up.
18. At least 3 of them have no idea how to blow there nose...and they don't care.
19. Someone always spills the beans about Santa...someone will cry.
20. At least one in the class actually knows where babies come from and ...will share....the teacher will cry.
Thought I would share this, because according to my kids...I know nothing.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Renewing my license...
My birthday is next week. I will be 43. I feel 43. I am not sure how 43 feels, but it must be the way I feel right now. Also, I am not liking the way I look. My face doesn't wear makeup the right way any more, could be that it has to navigate wrinkles now. Anyway, I woke up this morning dreading the trip to renew my license. I have never cared about my license picture, but since I feel so blah and old today, I thought I would fix myself up and put on a flattering top. I looked good and off I went.
If you have renewed your license lately and especially in the state of Georgia, then you know they are in no hurry to help and it is always busting at the seams in the office. I pulled into the parking lot, thanked God that I was not one of the teens taking the drivers test....at 43, you don't have too. I took a deep breath and walked in. I was overdressed in my bermudas and sandals and "flattering" top. I stood there for a moment to get my wits about me and found out that I had to stand in a line to get a number to stand in line to get helped before I stood in line to get my picture taken...must look good... to stand in line to get my license back.
In the "number" line and smiled at a lady who was visibly shaky. Honestly, I think she was drunk. She smiled back started digging for her purse. She pulled out her lipstick and I turned away as not to intrude. Lipstick is a personal thing. I caught myself looking back in her direction only to see she had put on her lipstick...not her shade...and she had totally missed. It was not only on her lips but her chin and she ran way outside the lines. I, who would normally say something, was speechless. As she walked away, I just sat there and checked my lipstick.
After I received my number I was in the "I have my number, now what?" line and I stood there and people watched. If you know me well you may find it hard to believe I can stand still and be quiet, but I can. People watching is a favorite past time of mine. I watched as a teenage boy got his license and got a huge hug from him mom declaring what a good picture it was...see, I told you, we must look good. She was so excited, I wondered if she knew that her nerves and heart would never be the same. I watched as a twenty-something young lady explained that she needed to pay 3 tickets and get her license renewed. And, by the way, she didn't know where her licensed were, "they have been lost a while". I watched sadly, as an elderly man was denied his license because he couldn't pass the vision test. I hurt for him.
As I waited, I began to feel blue. I felt like I was in a bad movie about the stages of life. New license, renewed license, you can't have a license and "I have no idea where my license are" stages. I decided that I didn't want to be 43. What if I got up to the counter and they said, "you are about to be 43...no license for you?" It would be a waste of a perfectly good outfit and makeup. I watched....Lipstick lady walks by. She now has lipstick on every tooth, top and bottom. She smiles at me...again...I am speechless.
"Mrs. Wells...your license are ready. Please check them for....." Dang, I look good in my picture. Way too young to be 43.......
If you have renewed your license lately and especially in the state of Georgia, then you know they are in no hurry to help and it is always busting at the seams in the office. I pulled into the parking lot, thanked God that I was not one of the teens taking the drivers test....at 43, you don't have too. I took a deep breath and walked in. I was overdressed in my bermudas and sandals and "flattering" top. I stood there for a moment to get my wits about me and found out that I had to stand in a line to get a number to stand in line to get helped before I stood in line to get my picture taken...must look good... to stand in line to get my license back.
In the "number" line and smiled at a lady who was visibly shaky. Honestly, I think she was drunk. She smiled back started digging for her purse. She pulled out her lipstick and I turned away as not to intrude. Lipstick is a personal thing. I caught myself looking back in her direction only to see she had put on her lipstick...not her shade...and she had totally missed. It was not only on her lips but her chin and she ran way outside the lines. I, who would normally say something, was speechless. As she walked away, I just sat there and checked my lipstick.
After I received my number I was in the "I have my number, now what?" line and I stood there and people watched. If you know me well you may find it hard to believe I can stand still and be quiet, but I can. People watching is a favorite past time of mine. I watched as a teenage boy got his license and got a huge hug from him mom declaring what a good picture it was...see, I told you, we must look good. She was so excited, I wondered if she knew that her nerves and heart would never be the same. I watched as a twenty-something young lady explained that she needed to pay 3 tickets and get her license renewed. And, by the way, she didn't know where her licensed were, "they have been lost a while". I watched sadly, as an elderly man was denied his license because he couldn't pass the vision test. I hurt for him.
As I waited, I began to feel blue. I felt like I was in a bad movie about the stages of life. New license, renewed license, you can't have a license and "I have no idea where my license are" stages. I decided that I didn't want to be 43. What if I got up to the counter and they said, "you are about to be 43...no license for you?" It would be a waste of a perfectly good outfit and makeup. I watched....Lipstick lady walks by. She now has lipstick on every tooth, top and bottom. She smiles at me...again...I am speechless.
"Mrs. Wells...your license are ready. Please check them for....." Dang, I look good in my picture. Way too young to be 43.......
Pink Floral Nipple Stickers...
..or what we affectionately call, Pasties. That's right! These sweet little, floral stickers were what awaited me at my Mammogram this morning. Imagine my surprise to find out that they now have fun pasties for special occasions such as this. And in my favorite color too!! Gone are the boring, silver all too common stickers of yesteryear. I found that these little pasties made my "grab and smash" so much more fun. They actually made the thought of my nipple being as far down as my belly button, less traumatizing. Seriously, what will they come up with next!
Today was not my first mamo. I have been getting them since a "suspicious" spot was found about 4 years ago. Today was my first digital mamo and I must say way better. Not that it was really bad before. If you are reading this and you have put off the experience of a mamo. Shame on you. Personally I feel that the 5 to 10 minutes of "unpleasantness" is nothing compared to the alternative. For the moment....let's have some fun with this.
I am well endowed. Thank God I am fat too or I would fall over. Some of you know what I mean. We beautiful ladies come in all sizes, but I think if the "sisters" are larger, the mamo is easier. Ask my "girls". I am a mamo tech's dream. I walk in and whistle and the girls jump up on the machine. With each grank of the knob, they flatten like a pancake sizzlin' on the griddle. They spill off the sides. Sometimes I wonder what the tech is thinking. "Honey, does your back hurt?" "You know 80% of women wear the wrong size bra?" I am sure many things go through their mind especially, "I am glad I have been lifting weights, cause these puppies are heavy!""
During the entire process, I find things to talk about. This helps me take my mind off of the fact the some strange woman is fondling me and pulling skin from my back to get a "good shot". Today, the topic of conversation was the pink, floral pasties. I said they were a nice touch and she said, "they cost the same, why not get the pretty ones!" Even though I only saw them for a moment and then they were gone...to the underbelly....
As I got dressed, I realized that not only were they pretty, they would also give Mighty Putty a run for its money. Not since the tender years of nursing my babies have I had so much pain shooting through my body. I pulled and pulled and the right one wouldn't let go. The blinding pain took me back to the day the I got a "titty twist" from a 3-year-old preschooler. I think IT felt better. I didn't know if I should scream out for help or not. I had just had a pain free mamo and I was a good girl. The tech told me so. How could I let the pink, floral nipple sticker take me down?
I left the office with several layers of skin missing from my right nipple but I also with the piece of mind that I had done the right thing by having the mammogram. Truly, for me, the most "uncomfortable" part is undressing. The rest is "no brainer". If you haven't had one, please do. Your life my be saved and if you can wax your "hoo hoo" them you can endure the pasties.
I love you my friends,
Today was not my first mamo. I have been getting them since a "suspicious" spot was found about 4 years ago. Today was my first digital mamo and I must say way better. Not that it was really bad before. If you are reading this and you have put off the experience of a mamo. Shame on you. Personally I feel that the 5 to 10 minutes of "unpleasantness" is nothing compared to the alternative. For the moment....let's have some fun with this.
I am well endowed. Thank God I am fat too or I would fall over. Some of you know what I mean. We beautiful ladies come in all sizes, but I think if the "sisters" are larger, the mamo is easier. Ask my "girls". I am a mamo tech's dream. I walk in and whistle and the girls jump up on the machine. With each grank of the knob, they flatten like a pancake sizzlin' on the griddle. They spill off the sides. Sometimes I wonder what the tech is thinking. "Honey, does your back hurt?" "You know 80% of women wear the wrong size bra?" I am sure many things go through their mind especially, "I am glad I have been lifting weights, cause these puppies are heavy!""
During the entire process, I find things to talk about. This helps me take my mind off of the fact the some strange woman is fondling me and pulling skin from my back to get a "good shot". Today, the topic of conversation was the pink, floral pasties. I said they were a nice touch and she said, "they cost the same, why not get the pretty ones!" Even though I only saw them for a moment and then they were gone...to the underbelly....
As I got dressed, I realized that not only were they pretty, they would also give Mighty Putty a run for its money. Not since the tender years of nursing my babies have I had so much pain shooting through my body. I pulled and pulled and the right one wouldn't let go. The blinding pain took me back to the day the I got a "titty twist" from a 3-year-old preschooler. I think IT felt better. I didn't know if I should scream out for help or not. I had just had a pain free mamo and I was a good girl. The tech told me so. How could I let the pink, floral nipple sticker take me down?
I left the office with several layers of skin missing from my right nipple but I also with the piece of mind that I had done the right thing by having the mammogram. Truly, for me, the most "uncomfortable" part is undressing. The rest is "no brainer". If you haven't had one, please do. Your life my be saved and if you can wax your "hoo hoo" them you can endure the pasties.
I love you my friends,
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